Lately, whenever stress hits, it feels like I go straight back to being that 12-year-old version of myself. I freeze up and can’t do or say anything. On top of that, I look so much younger than I am. People often guess I’m 18 or 19 and treat me like I’m still a teenager. Honestly, it makes me feel terrible. I get this sense that people are judging me when they find out my real age, and it just adds to the frustration.
I can’t help but notice how everyone around me seems to have it all together—my friends are married, have careers, travel, and even have families now. Meanwhile, I’m still living with my parents, can’t hold a job, and have never really been able to connect with anyone. I’m always anxious and too nervous to try new things, so I end up not doing much at all. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but it just feels like something’s wrong with me. I’m constantly anxious and down, and I feel like a burden to my family.
Today, at a family gathering, I tried helping out in the kitchen, but I just got so overwhelmed that I had to step away for a bit. I took a quick break in my room for about 10 minutes, just to breathe and reset. But then I overheard a conversation where one of my relatives asked where I was. My mom casually said, “Oh, she does this all the time, she’s really shy, and whenever we have people over, she hides, she doesn’t like being around anyone.” And they all laughed.
In that moment, I just froze. It was like I was transported back to being a kid when my mom would put me down in front of others for being too quiet or timid. I went back out there after a few minutes, but I felt so embarrassed, like everything I’d worked on over the years just crumbled away. It was like I was that scared, shy kid all over again. Honestly, it makes me want to give up sometimes, but I can’t bring myself to hurt my family. I just hate feeling like this.
My Advice
I hear you, and I can feel the weight of everything you’re carrying. First, I just want to say that what you’re feeling is real, and you’re not alone in it. A lot of people experience similar struggles with anxiety, self-doubt, and feeling stuck, but there are ways to work through it, step by step. Here’s some advice to help you start moving forward:
1. Be Kind to Yourself
It’s so easy to be hard on yourself, especially when you’re comparing where you are to where others seem to be. But let’s take a step back here: You’re on your own path, and it’s okay if it’s not looking the same as someone else’s. You’ve had challenges to face that maybe others haven’t, and that doesn’t make you any less than them. Treat yourself with the same care you’d give a friend in your shoes. It’s important to recognize the progress you’ve made, even if it feels small. It counts.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts
It sounds like you’re trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk—thoughts like, “I’m behind” or “Something’s wrong with me.” These kinds of thoughts can feel overwhelming, but they’re not facts. Try to catch those thoughts and challenge them. Ask yourself: Are these thoughts true? Are they helping me? Often, these beliefs are rooted in fear and past experiences, not in reality. Replace them with kinder, more realistic thoughts. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m behind everyone else,” try “I’m moving at my own pace, and that’s okay.”
3. Take Small Steps
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you think about everything at once. But small, manageable steps can help you build confidence and momentum. Whether it’s looking for a part-time job, trying out a new hobby, or just stepping outside your comfort zone little by little—take it slow. You don’t need to rush. Every small win adds up, and over time, you’ll see growth. Start with something simple that feels doable to you.
4. Reframe Social Situations
I know family gatherings can trigger a lot of emotions, especially when people don’t understand you. If you can, try to shift the narrative in your mind. Instead of thinking, Everyone’s laughing at me, try They just don’t understand how I feel. It’s not about you being a failure, but about them not seeing things from your perspective. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to step away. You don’t have to push through and sacrifice your peace. Set boundaries, and don’t be afraid to speak up about your needs—whether it’s asking for a quiet moment or explaining your feelings.
5. Consider Therapy
What you’re dealing with is tough, but it’s not something you have to handle alone. Therapy, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or other approaches, can be really helpful in working through anxiety, low self-esteem, and trauma. A therapist can help you reframe those negative thoughts and give you tools to manage the stress and emotions that come with them. It’s a safe space to unpack your feelings and get the support you need.
6. Build a Support System
While it can feel isolating, remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. Even if you’re not ready to dive into a big social circle right now, try to stay connected with a few trusted people. Whether it’s a close friend, family member, or even a support group, having someone to talk to can make a world of difference. Sometimes just knowing someone is there to listen is all you need.
7. Practice Self-Compassion
You’ve been through a lot, and it’s important to show yourself some love along the way. Being patient with yourself, especially when you’re feeling down, can help you recover faster. When you feel like giving up, try reminding yourself why you keep going: your family, your own growth, and your future. No matter how tough it gets, you’re worthy of love, respect, and kindness—especially from yourself.
8. Explore New Activities
I know you feel anxious about trying new things, but sometimes taking that leap, even in small ways, can help you grow. Find one thing you’re curious about or that might interest you, even if it’s just a small hobby. Whether it’s reading a book on a topic you’ve never explored, trying out a fitness class, or doing something creative, exploring can help you get out of your head and connect with new possibilities. It’s also a great way to meet people who share similar interests.
I know it’s not easy, and I can tell you’re doing the best you can. Just remember, feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’re broken. It’s a feeling that can shift with time, patience, and support. You’re not defined by the moments when you freeze up or feel small—you’re more than that. Every day you’re showing up, and that’s something to be proud of. Keep taking care of yourself and reach out for the help you deserve when you’re ready. You’re worth it.