Big sis and I have always had a rocky relationship—one of those love-you-but-can’t-stand-you dynamics. She’s blissfully unaware of most of the tension, and honestly, I chalk it up to her being a textbook eldest child with that Type A personality. Anyway, this happened a while back, and at the time, I just let her talk because calling her out usually ends in disaster. She had this whole monologue that started with, “I love you, but…” and you know nothing good follows that.
She went on to say she thinks our parents weren’t cut out to raise three kids. She claimed they were too tired to give all of us the love and attention we deserved and added that if they’d stopped at two kids, they would have been better parents. Care to guess who the third child is? Yep, me.
I pushed it to the back of my mind, but it creeps up on me sometimes. The truth is, I struggle with terrible depression. She doesn’t know the half of it because, in the past, when I’ve tried to open up, she’s brushed me off, turned it into a pity party for herself, or hit me with jabs like, “You still live at home, your life is so easy,” or “You don’t even have kids, you have no idea what real struggle is.” And sure, I’m 26 and still figuring things out, but that doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t valid.
What hurts most is knowing she doesn’t see how much her words cut me—or worse, wondering if she’d even care if she did. Tonight, we had a family dinner. I won’t go into details, but just being near her stirred up all those feelings again. Now it’s 3 a.m., and I have to be up in three hours for work, but instead of sleeping, I’m crying my eyes out, feeling like I’m trapped in this pit of frustration and helplessness.
So here I am, venting to strangers on the internet because I don’t know what else to do with all this hurt.
When Your Sister Says Something That Breaks You
First off, I’m so sorry you’re carrying this. What your sister said wasn’t fair, and it’s understandable that it’s stuck with you. Words like that can cut deep, especially when they come from someone close. Let’s unpack this together and find a way to move forward.
Your sister’s comment about you “shouldn’t have been born” wasn’t about you. It’s a reflection of her perspective on your family dynamics, not your worth as a person. Sometimes people say hurtful things without realizing the impact, and it sounds like she doesn’t fully grasp how much her words affect you. That doesn’t make it okay, but it does mean this isn’t about your value as a human being.
The fact that you’ve internalized her words—especially with the struggles you’re already dealing with, like depression and self-loathing—makes this even heavier. You’ve been carrying a burden that isn’t yours to hold.
Advice for Building Self-Love and Strength
- Focus on Your Truth, Not Hers:
What your sister said doesn’t define you. You’re here, and you matter. Start by reminding yourself that your existence isn’t a mistake. It’s okay to repeat that to yourself, even if it feels weird at first: “I belong here. I am worthy of love and care.” - Set Boundaries for Your Well-Being:
It’s okay to limit how much you engage with your sister, especially if being around her hurts you. Boundaries don’t mean cutting someone off forever; they’re about protecting your peace. You don’t owe her every piece of your energy. - Reframe Your Inner Dialogue:
When the memory of what she said resurfaces, challenge it. Ask yourself: “What would I say to a friend who felt this way?” Treat yourself with that same kindness. - Create a Safe Space for Healing:
You don’t have to carry this pain alone. Venting here is a step, but think about finding a therapist or support group where you can process these feelings in a space designed to help you heal. - Practice Small Acts of Self-Love:
Self-love doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Start small. Write down one thing you like about yourself each day or give yourself permission to rest without guilt. These little things can add up over time.
You Deserve Better—From Yourself and Others
Your sister’s words might have made you feel unseen or unworthy, but don’t let her opinions define you. You are so much more than someone else’s perception. Start showing yourself the love and care you’ve been denied. You deserve to live in a space where your self-esteem can grow and where your value isn’t up for debate.
It’s not about proving your worth to anyone else—it’s about realizing that you’ve always had it. Keep going, even when it’s hard. You’ve got this.
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