Back in high school, I had this friend named Mia. She was the quietest person I knew. One time, we were at her house, and her mom asked her to call and order pizza for everyone. Mia froze. She handed me the phone because talking to a stranger was just too much for her.
Fast-forward a few years, Mia went off to a college a few states away from her tiny hometown. Those first weeks were rough. She’d call me crying, homesick, and too overwhelmed to step out of her dorm. Parties? Forget it. Even going to class was hard because she was convinced everyone else was smarter than her.
But here’s the thing about Mia: she didn’t let that version of herself win. One day, she told me, “I don’t want to be stuck in this shell anymore.” She started pushing herself little by little—joining study groups, speaking up in class, even signing up for clubs. Fast-forward again, and Mia transformed. She became the youngest manager at a major tech company, leading projects with confidence.
She always told me the secret wasn’t just deciding to be confident but practicing the habits that made her feel like the person she wanted to be. That’s what made her a total powerhouse.
Here are six behaviors that helped her and can help you too:
- Count Yourself In
When you’re nervous about starting something, count yourself in like it’s a sports game: “Three, two, one, go.” I’ve used this trick countless times, like when I had to confront a baseball team about wearing the wrong uniforms. Counting gave me the push I needed to start the conversation. - Give Yourself 20 Seconds of Courage
Sometimes, all it takes is 20 seconds of bravery to do something that scares you. When I launched my podcast, I sat on the floor, staring at the upload button, doubting myself. I gave myself 20 seconds of courage, hit publish, and it turned out fine. - Take a Seat at the Table
Literally. Stop hanging back in meetings or events. Sit down, speak up, and show you belong. A friend in the sports industry told me how she learned to stop waiting and just claim her spot at the table. - Cheer for Others
Instead of feeling bad when someone else succeeds, celebrate them. It’s not your moment, but it will be one day. A woman who landed a major promotion in sports did so after openly supporting her colleague’s success. - Build on What You’re Already Good At
Confidence grows when you remember what you’ve already achieved. Before a big pitch for a promotion, one woman reviewed her past successes, reminded herself of her skills, and nailed the meeting. - Celebrate Your Wins
Don’t skip over your achievements. Celebrate them! Whether it’s a pizza night, drinks with your team, or a quiet moment of reflection, celebrating helps reinforce your success.
Wrapping Up
Building confidence isn’t something that happens overnight, but with small, consistent steps, it’s absolutely within your reach. By practicing these habits, you’ll slowly reshape how you see yourself and how you show up in the world. Confidence isn’t about being fearless; it’s about acting even when fear is present. Remember, every step forward, no matter how small, is proof that you’re capable of more than you thought. Keep going—you’ve got this!
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