Hey there, I’m not even sure anyone will read this, but I needed to get it off my chest, so here goes. Sorry if it’s a bit long—it’s been weighing on me for a while.
I’m a 33-year-old guy, and honestly, I feel a little ridiculous admitting how much I still struggle with self-esteem. I mean, I know I should have it figured out by now, but here we are. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been stuck in this loop of being overly critical of my looks, my body, and all the things I feel I can’t change.
On the surface, you wouldn’t guess I feel this way. I’m pretty outgoing and can talk to anyone about anything. Most people wouldn’t know how much I overthink and second-guess myself unless they’re part of my inner circle. A few close friends know, but even then, I don’t share the full extent of what’s going on in my head.
A big chunk of my insecurities revolves around things I can’t control, like my height (I’m 5’9”), facial features, and jaw alignment. It feels silly to say it out loud, but it’s hard not to compare myself to others. I know it’s not healthy, but some days it’s like a broken record in my brain. Then there are the things I could fix, like my teeth, hair, or weight, but let’s be real—the cost for those fixes is insane, and it’s not like I can snap my fingers and make it happen overnight.
Over the years, these insecurities have held me back in a lot of ways. I’ve missed out on opportunities, relationships, and even just fully enjoying life. When I’ve been in relationships, even if someone reassures me that they like me as I am, I can’t help but doubt it. I overthink everything, and when it comes to dating now, I tend to sabotage things before they get serious. I’m scared they’ll see all the flaws I see in myself and leave or judge me.
Even walking around in public, I can’t help but compare myself to other guys, especially taller ones. It’s not like 5’9” is short, but I feel small sometimes, like if I were just a few inches taller, life would be easier. It sounds so trivial, but it’s a thought that’s hard to shake.
I hate feeling this way. I’m tired of letting these insecurities define me, but it feels like I’m stuck in this loop. If anyone out there has dealt with similar stuff or has advice, I’d genuinely love to hear it. At the very least, thanks for letting me vent. It feels a little better just saying it all out loud.
My Advice
Alright, let’s talk about this. First, I need you to know that what you’re feeling isn’t silly or ridiculous—it’s human. We all have things we pick apart about ourselves, but what you’re dealing with has clearly been eating at you for a long time. So let’s take a breath and break this down.
You’re not broken. You’ve built a story in your mind about what makes you “not enough,” but the truth is, those things you’re obsessing over—your height, your features, whatever—they don’t define your worth. What you’re wrestling with is a lens you’ve been stuck looking through, and it’s making you focus on what you think is wrong instead of what’s right. The goal isn’t to ignore your insecurities but to stop letting them control the way you see yourself and your life.
You’ve got this outgoing personality, this ability to connect with people—that’s huge. Do you know how rare that is? You’ve probably had moments where you’ve surprised yourself with how well you handled a situation or a conversation. Those moments are the real you. The things you’re insecure about? They’re just noise. They feel big because you’re giving them all this energy, but they don’t define how others see you or what you bring to the table.
I know it’s hard to believe, but people aren’t judging you as harshly as you think they are. Most of us are so caught up in our own stuff that we don’t even notice the details about others we’re insecure about in ourselves. When someone likes you or is interested in you, it’s not because of the things you’re worried about; it’s because of how you make them feel.
You’ve got to work on being kinder to yourself. That voice in your head that keeps tearing you down? It’s lying. You’re stuck in a loop, and the way out is to start challenging those thoughts. When you catch yourself comparing or doubting, stop and ask, “Is this really true? Or am I just being unfair to myself again?” Over time, you can train your brain to stop jumping to the worst conclusions.
Also, it’s okay to want to improve yourself, but do it from a place of care, not punishment. If there’s something you want to work on—your health, your habits, whatever—start small and build from there. You’ll feel better just knowing you’re taking steps, no matter how tiny they are.
One last thing: you’re not alone in this. Everyone has their own battles, and I guarantee people you admire have their own doubts and insecurities. What matters is how you move forward. Let people in. Talk to someone about what’s on your mind, whether it’s a friend, a partner, or a professional. You’re allowed to ask for support.
You’ve got so much more to offer than you give yourself credit for. Start believing in that, even if it’s just a little at first. You’re worth it.
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